(ArtVisions(tm) is a
trademark of
avidre Inc.)
|
|
|
|
The following is an opinion only. Ask you counselor about this. POWER AND CONTROL CYCLE The power and control cycle is the most important thing a victim needs to understand. Most abusers follow a cycle of abuse that is different for each person, but is similar in a lot of ways for any abusers. The first thing an abuser (or any one for that matter) does is feel the need to get angry. Anger comes from within, not from somebody else. We become angry because of our own reactions to something. POINT ONE The abuser might starts to be psychological , and verbally abusive, by the constant put downs and derogatory comments. Control tactics are also used. Victims are not allowed their own freedoms. The thought process is that the other person is responsible, and we need to “pay” them back. Abusing, controlling, & hurting someone has no real true justifications. Abusers distort their inappropriate feelings. The next cycle might be to get physical or get violent. The abuser thinks that the victim deserves more punishment. When we lose control of our feelings and actions, we get totally out of control. At the heat of the moment, abusers feel that causing physical pain is the only way to “reach” the victim. The anger is so built up, we loose our normal rational state of mind. Once the abuser calms down, the next power and control step might be to make excuses, or to say “I’m sorry.” The Abuser doesn’t really understand his actions, but wants the victim to forgive and forget. The abusers' rationale is still present, and they can “act” regretful. But if someone really regrets his actions, they will find a way not to repeat it, even with medical help. A next step of closeness and sensitivity might follow as people “make up.” The victim might now feel that everything is fine, and the abuser really believes his/her regrets. The emotions the abusers feel are real, but the denial and distortions are also real. Abusers are not conscious of their own cycles and denials. Once something happens and the abuser feels angry, the whole thing starts over again. The power and control cycle repeats itself. People normally want several basic needs in their life. The need to be wanted, understood, appreciated, desired, protected, loved, and to be happy. Let's try to understand. All of us want similar things, but we all have our own way of showing them, and getting them. We are taught very early in life different approaches in getting what we want and need. All the violence in the media incorrectly teach us to be abusive. We need to know the proper perspective, - it’s better to give with love than hate. If a victim can understand the “power and control” cycles, they may understand why they get so caught up in it and have problems getting away from it. When a person loves someone they want to believe the other person really loves them back. Love is not about abuse. We need to give respect to everyone in our lives. ~Written by- Richard Giroux Go to first page on abuse Back to Top....Protecting Yourself Reality & Truths Communication Reason For Actions Problems Therapy
|
|
Send mail to
Richard@artvisions.tv
with questions or comments about this
web site.
|
